There is this loop I constantly seem to be stuck in, and its frustrating AF. It is a loop I am going to HAVE to break. Let me explain, I get an idea, become somewhat tunnel vision with the idea, and I go for it, I am focused and giving it full effort, only to become completely distracted and nothing can get me back on track. This seems to go for most things in my life, weight loss being one, this blog being another, being creative being the other!! I know that it is normal to become distracted, but it takes me months to hit the reset button, and it seems nothing in my life gets done.
I feel like this is quiet common for people to experience, well I hope so, either that or I am useless as sticking with anything! I am fabulous at starting things, absolutely terrible at sticking with it. I was doing so well losing weight, and if you read my “Let’s talk about weight” blog post, I was feeling that I was on the right track, but I have now regained it and finding it super difficult to get myself back into being healthy again, I have had zero interest or mental energy to do it again, but I feel like I am coming back around to wanting to try again, but if I am going to go again, for the 505th time, I need to figure out how to keep it going. The medical trial I was on stopped half way through, I think maybe funding was an issue but it threw me off track completely.
I also was enjoying this blog and had, and still have lots of ideas of what I would like to do, but again I have had zero interest lately, how can I go from wanting to give something so much energy and time to having absolutely no interest whatsoever? Mentally I have been feeling so drained lately and haven’t had interest in much to be fair. I’m not feeling down or depressed and anxiety wise has been very calm, so it is just a severe lack of energy and interest in doing anything other than being a lazy lump. Which I don’t think is necessarily bad from time to time, but I feel I am taking the biscuit now.
Ok so, the first 3 paragraphs of this post was wrote in April, 3 months ago but I never got around to posting (the irony!!). And I think I figured out why I was so drained, in June I was struck down with a mysterious illness, I had never been so sick, it took 2 rounds of antibiotics and steroids to get me well again, and even at that it took time to come back round to myself. And because I was so sick I was sent for blood tests I have had a few this year because health wise has been a funny year and not really understanding what I was experiencing. My blood shows there is chronic levels of inflammation going on, coupled with constant flare ups with my IBS, I am now being sent for a colonoscopy to see if there is something more going on. My colonoscopy is next week, thankfully my doctor put me through as an urgent case and I got an appointment in a matter of weeks. So I might have answers sooner than I think and I can get back on the track of being well again.
IBS has been part of my life for so many years now I sort of got used to the flare ups, but they have gotten worse in the last year. And one thing I noticed, is that when I start eating healthy I get a flare up. And eating unhealthy funnily enough I get less flare ups…depending on what the unhealthy food is. And this of course can have an affect on my motivation to be healthy. So I am so happy to be finally getting some answers to whats going on.
I don’t think its completely the answer, because I know I lose motivation and procrastinate for too long for more reasons than I don’t want to have a flare up, because you don’t get a flare up from being creative and I still find it difficult to stick to one project. But I have been reading about “The Generalist” rather than being a specialist and I am starting to understand my tendencies a bit more, and if I figure out how to manage it I will be sure to write about it. As too with my colonoscopy results.
Here’s hoping the next post won’t take me so long.